Ct: Mr. Hart, you are representing yourself and claiming Amazon sold counterfeit copies of your 2 self-published books written about your experiences as a homeless man? And they damaged you to the tune of millions of dollars, and you would have been able to “end homelessness” if they had been legitimate copies?
Mr. Hart: Yes.
Ct: How do you know?
Mr. Hart: My cousin ordered a copy, and I saw it did not have my fingernail indentations on the cover. That’s how mark my copies, so I know his copy was counterfeit. Look, here’s two indistinguishable pictures to help you distinguish the counterfeit.
Ct: Amazon has offered evidence that shows they had no books. According to them, they helped third party vendors sell a total of 6 copies, none of which Amazon ever directly touched. It seems likely to the court that the third party venders had copies you sent them, rather than that Amazon itself undertook the significant expense to duplicate and print hard copy counterfeits of your books. Based on that, your implausible valuation of damages, and your unfortunately indistinguishable method of identifying the “counterfeits”, your case is below the threshold of plausibility. Dismissed.
The post heading is the opening line by Judge Posner. I like Judge Posner.